on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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