Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
