Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
