I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
