I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
