In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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