I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
