spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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