I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
