I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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