we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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