dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
