Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
