cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
