I don't usually arrange sex via text message
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
