I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
