I must be too annoying 4 u.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
