Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
