no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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