Sry I called you an 8
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
