Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
