I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
don't judge my taste in strippers
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
