Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Someone came in the potted fern
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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