I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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