I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize