yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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