I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
