i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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