im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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