Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
