i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
