so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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