i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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