mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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