Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
