and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
