Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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