just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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