I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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