he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
