And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
