I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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