I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
