Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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