I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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