You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
