Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
