it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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