Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
