capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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