now i know why i became what i already was.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
