tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
