I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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