I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
