Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
North Korea, Best Korea!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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