Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
