I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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