Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
