I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize