she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
