normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
