If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
