I need help removing her.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
