Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize