Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
