how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she pinky promised me she was 18
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
