somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
