finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
