its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
