You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
