I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
someone owes me an orgasm
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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