woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize