i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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