literally had 100 drinks last night.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
