I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
