Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
