Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
