i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
