**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
