This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
