Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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