...so i touched it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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