Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
