Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
