I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
