I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
