I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
