from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
