roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
