yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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