I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
