I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
