you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
