ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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