And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
