we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
